Things that make me angry, Volume 732.3

Today I had to cancel my subscription to a magazine that I was getting for free through my credit card company.  I tried canceling online through the magazine website, but was directed to a phone number for a Newsub Magazine Services.

Six minutes and 46 seconds later, it was finally canceled, after they offered me 3 different magazines and a renewal on the magazine I was calling to cancel.

A simple one minute call with a live person would have been done the job.  But instead I had to deal with their robo-caller system that didn't understand what I was saying. 

Robo-idiot: Please say which magazine you are calling to cancel.
Me: Food and Wine.
Robo-dimwit: Did you say Jake and Vine?  Please say Yes.......or........No.
Me: No.
Robo-tard: Did you say No?
Me: Yes!!!!!
Robo-moron: Please spell out your last name.
Me: S-M-I-T-H
Robo-waster of time: I'm sorry.  I didn't understand you.  Please spell out your last name.
Me: S-M-I-T-H
Robo-dork: (Insert special error tone)- I can't understand what you are saying.  If you are having trouble, please spell your name slowly and clearly and move away from anything that is making noise.
Me: (In a completely dead quiet apartment where the only sound is me grinding my teeth and the cat cleaning her fur) S---------M---------I----------T-----------H
Robo-Palin: Did you say SMITH?
Me: YES!!!!!!!!!
DeafRobo: Did you say yes?
Me: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!
Robo-trickster: I would like to confirm your cancellation of Food and Wine.  Would you like to cancel Food and Wine and then receive 6 complimentary issues of Food and Wine for just $5.95 to be renewed at the end of 6 months?
Me: What the fuck?  I just called to cancel Food and Wine!  I don't want more of it after I cancel.
Robo-ass:  I'm sorry, I didn't understand what you said.  Would you like to cancel Food and Wine and then receive 6 complimentary issues of Food and Wine for just $5.95 to be renewed at the end of 6 months?
Me: NOOOOO!!!!!
Robo-repeater: Did you say No?
Me: YESSSSSSS!!!!!!
Robo-Saleswoman: Now that you have canceled your magazine, would you like the Economist magazine for $28.95?
Me: NOOOOOOO!!!!!
Robo-Demon:Did you say No?
Me: YESSSSSS!!!!!!!!
Robo-dork:  Is there anything else I can help you with?
Me: Go fuck yourself!

Silence.  Sweet, golden silence.